Toilet Installed on Senate Floor for John Fetterman
In accordance with the new "Fetterman Rule", the United States Senate has installed a toilet in its chamber for Senator John Fetterman (D-PA) to use during hearings.
"For too long activities in the Senate have been limited by so-called decorum," Senator Fetterman said. "If I need to go, then I need to go. I shouldn't have to walk out just because I have to to make boom-boom."
Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) said that this is a great day for the United States Government. "No longer will the crap we produce in this great room be metaphorical," he said at the ceremonial cheese cutting ceremony for the new toilet.
Senator Fetterman is expected to make the first Senate Floor speech from the new porcelain throne. "I plan on spending several hours eating at Taco Bell before my speech so we can have the full experience," he said.
The White House also offered praise for the decision, stating that allowing Mr. Fetterman to properly perform his duties in the most comfortable manner is a step forward for all Americans.